HEY! Sex is not all i got…

What has taken me away from you all lately has been for good but i sincerely do miss blogging. How on earth did i forget the awesome chat i had with one of my crazy friends 2 years ago… Okay, i’m here to bring the gist now, so let’s get started.

I have this very crazy friend, i mean super crazy but i love her for who she is and i love the vibe she gives me when ever i’m with her as she never ceases to make me laugh when we have time to catch up. I can imagine all my friends wondering if this post is about them…smiles… when she finds this post, she would definitely relate with it as i thought it wise to share your story to encourage other ladies and renew mindsets.

Bella as i would just name her for the sake of this post today was about 24 years old when she cracked me up with this experience of hers and i must say she’s got a great personality; asides being a naughty girl, she is smart and down to earth. You never spend time with her without laughing and getting inspired about how she takes life.

Bella called for a sit out some days before my birthday just to tell me how she bounced back after the person she was dating broke her heart and left her with no reason at all. Just follow me closely.

“Ebijanded…” I smiled as she called my name as i waited patiently for the hot gist..plus how she demonstrates while chit chatting is always epic.

” Okay, i met this janded guy like that o, he make brain well i no go lie. We got talking and he appeared like that kinda guy you want to take to momma and tell her you finally found the one. Not long after he asked me out, the love feeling clicked 100% and we always wanted to be in each others arms and before we knew it, the sex thing happened and we did not want it to end anymore as it felt so good.” hehehe, she looked at me and asked if i was angry with her, but i told her it was not in my place to judge anyone’s action so i smiled and asked her to go ahead and gist some more as i have known her to be crazy in so many ways and i really cannot love her less you know. Go ahead girl as i listened to her with keen interest.

“Omo, i demanded to know where the relationship was heading to o and he took it so hard on me that i was too desperate and that he was not ready o and that he would not want to keep me waiting for a long time since he was not sure when marriage will call o…that it is fine if i find someone and deem it fit to move on… arrrrrrghhhh, omo nasso the bobo delete o.” we both laughed out loud as her gesticulations were just something else and i figured she had really healed from the pain she felt from the heart break.

“Ebijanded, i no go lie, the matter bring tears commot for my eyes as i could not even tell anybody about it simply because the relationship barely even started and all of a sudden, it ended. I broke down o… cried bitterly and felt alone again but you trust me na(she shakes her body in pride and smiled alongside and all i could do was smile as Bella just could heal with the little time she can get and that is one thing i love about her. she does not sulk for long).”I meet another jando wey reason my matter o and we decided to take it slowly this time as he was more interested in the future than the present. He was not after the body or boobs”

Wow! I said with smiles on my face as i was happy to hear that she finally found someone who was ready to make it work with her. Girl, i’m so happy for you and i pray this works out eventually for you dear because you deserve the very best my darling friend. wait eeeh, i never finish my story joo, she said with smiles on her face.

“6months after the other dude left and noticed i was not sulking anymore and that i had gotten my groove back, he wanted us to get back together o… biko, wetin him forget o, why him go before? OH! Now he sees that i’m doing fine without him and he wants to come back abi… no be me o, i no even reason am at all. All i could tell him was that sex was not all i got to offer and that since he came for that alone, he missed out on the best part of me as a better person who deserve it is on board and i’m happy with him, so if you don’t mind, goodbye forever”

She paused and asked me if she was wrong or rude when she responded that way to him but i made her understand that she was absolutely right and that there was no reason to treat it as tho you wanted him in your life again. And she told me the biggest news ever that she was getting married in six months time and that was her reason for calling out for a chit chat as she would be needing my help as regards the wedding preparations and other things. I was really happy for her but herein lies my reason for making this post today;

We live in a world where people, especially guys, think that having sex  with a girl is a great achievement and i also see some ladies feeling terrible after a heart break and most times because they had sex with the guys in question… Now do not get me wrong here, i am not saying having sex with just anyone is right but we should really stop attaching so much to sex had with people and keep feeling bad for eternity because they left you. I hear guys say,”I no loose, at least i chop am” really? That was all about it right? Keep chopping o…smh. I pray you don’t chop away your health. For the ladies who keep giving sex and never stop feeling bad when they bade you goodbye, wehdone ma. Asides sex, madam what do you have to offer? Sex should not be the only thing you can offer a man and then again that he leaves after having sex with you is not the reason you should keep crying over spilled milk and continue to do tries and error with other men and still making the same mistake over and over again.

Truth is, you never know the real intention of a guy who approaches you at first, but then i wrote something about the Four B’s for relationship bliss sometime ago and i made mention of the bringing force because the truth remains that, what brings a man might keep him. But Sex might not be one of the reasons though. A wise man once said that “Giving a man sex is not a criteria that he gets married to you so do not try it out hoping it works for you”.

I was online sometime last week and i stumbled on an article by one great guy i follow on Facebook; in his post, he made mention of ladies having an extra oil… what is your extra oil as a lady if i may ask? Okay, i think i have to say a little about the extra oil concept here so everyone gets cleared. Extra oil refers to the YOU, that you have found about yourself, what makes you distinct and unique, basically your purpose or what sets your heart on fire; and you in a small or little is pursuing it with great enthusiasm. Or simply put, what people can reckon you with could be an extra oil. What makes you different from other ladies and what could make chasing you more interesting and worthwhile. Build yourself enough to know what your are worth and can settle for. If sex, is all you have as a lady, then any man can leave you after having their way with you. Let’s be clear on something here please, a man can leave a woman who has got an extra oil after sex and that does not make her less a woman; what it sometimes mean is that, the wrong person can never be right for you no matter how hard you try to make it work. They always leave somehow… Now, one great advantage about having an extra oil is that even when they bade you goodbye, you welcome your passion with all your efforts as that makes more sense than staying hurt and feeling bad because you shared your body with a man that did not appreciate it. Common girl!Brace yourself up and gird your loins while you wait for the right person to find you.

It’s funny how some persons think that being a virgin is enough to keep a man also… Baby girl, snap out of that notion and build yourself some more. Virginity is sacred and worth cherishing but that should not be all you have dear. HAVE AN EXTRA OIL.

The next time someone walks out of your life without a reason,do not allow them come back with a reason and  peradventure you had sex with them and they left you because you did, look them in them in the face and tell them HEY! SEX IS NOT ALL I GOT… But i did not make this post to encourage sex or sex before marriage, but to help that lady who feels betrayed because someone left her after having sex with her. You need to get your groove back and learn from your mistakes bearing at the back of your mind that the true person will definitely find you and you can never be right for the wrong person.

Personally, i do not  believe that a guy leaves a lady just because he has had sex with her… I believe that he leaves because he’s not meant for you or he just could not see your uniqueness. My question for you is this, where and what is your extra oil? Is sex all you have as a lady? How are  you building yourself enough today that a man can deem you worth fighting for? But then again, if a man leaves you despite your extra oil, you have nothing to loose still. It might hurt, but trust me when i say the hurt will pass and you will bounce back again.

Guys, please i beg of you all to stop chasing women only to have a way with their bodies.
Ladies, do not rush into a relationship and begin to serve him your body as a living sacrifice with the hope that he would make you his MRS.

Be you a virgin or not,sex is worth waiting for and sex should not be all you have to offer as a lady. Have an extra oil and always be proud of yourself.

About Post Author

Ebisidor Ann Azu

Ebisidor Ann Azu,alias Ebijanded is a graduate of Political science from Madonna University, she is currently running a Masters program in Peace studies and conflict resolution. She is the executive director of The Siaisiai Ebisidor Foundation (A movement that caters for the academic needs of less priveledged kids especially in the rural areas). You’re welcome to my space today, kindly read through my articles and don’t forget to drop a comment in the comment section below.

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